Thursday, February 18, 2010


I've been thinking about whether I should post this about Cai. On one hand, I feel like her medical information is private and it will be her story to tell. And then I think how great her story is- how can I not share it? So I want to share some of what we know about Cai and how God gently placed her into our hearts.

As you probably know, both Cate and Cai were on Chi*na's special needs list. Cate's "special need" just happened not to be an issue at all. Cai was born with a spinal meningocele. This is probably why her parent's could not take care of her. Greg and I knew nothing about spina bifida before Cai's medical information was sent to us. So we sent it to our pediatrician and we joined a group to learn more and we talked and we prayed. We realized that there were always unknowns in adoption and well, in life, we decided that we would be this little girl's family. Although we were aware of the many medical issues that accompany spina bifida, Cai seemed not to have any of them. But she does. We found out in the recent update that we received.

So, at first I cried and cried. For lots of reasons- because when our wonderful ( she really is wonderful) agency coordinator called me on my cell on a Sunday from California and said that she had some bad news, my heart broke. To lose Cai would have been devastating for us. Anything else, with God's strength, we can handle.

And then, after realizing that we can't "handle" anything without God's love and grace and strength, we tucked this information away and fell in love with her again. Only stronger and deeper in love.

" I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13


lorihays said...

We have a daughter with spina bifida, and I would love to reassure you about some of the things you could face. Please feel free to email me at: Some of the greatest leaps of faith that God asks us to take turn out to bless us the most!
Blessings, Lori
Mom to 8 great kids

Sharon said...

Kim, you are an awesome mom...a fabulous friend....and I know that Cai will be truly blessed to be a part of your family.

I thought of these words from the song "Come What May" when I read your post.

Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Carla said...

Rubea also has spina bifida! Please feel free to email me with questions. I am sure that Cai will be a blessing to your family and any struggles you face will bring you closer to Him and eachother.


Nicole said...

I have been thinking of you guy's. It seems when we enter any adoption ,sn or not, there is so much that is unknown.We too have experienced some unanswered questions and it really can put you in a tale spin. These questions have deepened my faith .I just remind myself that through him all things are possible.You and your family are going to be the best advocate for Cai. I think these various stages of fear seem to strengthen our love for our sweet girls!What a blessing she is going to be in yor life.
Please let me know if I can help you . Do not hesitate to call or email.
Look at that photo! She looks so beautiful! And I love ,love ,love the name Cai!

BrOwN CiRcUs said...

Thank you for sharing your experience. I do believe we learn and grown from hearing others moments of trials and growth. Some are given the gift of faith, and others are given the gift to believe on the words of those with faith. I believe when we share our experiences, someone else might gain a greater understanding. Hang in there, she is just beautiful!

Colleen said...

Kim thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving the sweetest comment : )
I am new to your blog and I can't wait to follow you on your journey to Cai....Adoption as you already stated comes with a lot of unknowns. Our first daughter a NSN has turned out to have SN's...all God's plan and we love her with all our heart {{{{hug}}}}

jennifer said...

I am so sorry you got bad news. There are still issues that we do not know about, and I am very nervous about it. I know that God won't put us in a situation without equiping us to deal with it.

Your children are absolutely beautiful.